


Through This Maze

by bluestargirl6 (pressdbtwnpages)



Category: Veronica Mars (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-08-08
Updated: 2005-08-08
Packaged: 2017-10-04 14:44:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/31389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pressdbtwnpages/pseuds/bluestargirl6
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Veronica wonders how they will get past this silence, who will bridge the moat between them.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Through This Maze

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for Season 1. Set at the potential beginning of Season 2

It's funny how sometimes you just see things and know.

Like how when Veronica saw Aaron in the backseat of her car she knew how things were going to go down. Not in detail, not with the written instructions that would make life so much easier, but she knew in that instant that there would be physical confrontation and very, very bad things.

Looking at Logan across the school courtyard, Veronica knows. It is the first time since the day they broke up that she has seen him out of a courthouse, out of a suit. And she just knows.

They are inevitable. Like summer fading into fall, like white lies and half truths, like death and taxes. It speaks volumes, Veronica thinks, that there are no happy inevitables that she can compare to her relationship with Logan. Not that there is much of a relationship to speak of.

Logan glances in her direction and Veronica raises a silent hand in greeting. They are beyond ignoring each other now.

He nods at her and continues on his way.

Veronica wonders how they will get past this silence, who will bridge the moat between them. Finding Lilly's killer couldn't do it, avenging him wouldn't. The summer has filed the jagged hurts between them smooth, but there is still so much emptiness to fill.

******

They were together for all of three weeks, so why does life seem so damn bland without her? He spent the summer blaming his father and law offices and courtrooms and too-tight collars. But he's been surfing now, is wearing a t-shirt, and life hasn't got its tang back.

Logan never realized, until he spent every day watching her sit, hands folded, back straight, how much he relies on Veronica.

She started out as his little sister figure, someone to be amused by and to protect. Then she was his enemy, his rival, his whipping boy. And she kissed him and he pulled her close and it was so wrong it was right. Until it was wrong. When it should be right.

Veronica raised a hand in greeting. There is no point in ignoring each other any longer, they are inextricably intertwined. Logan's not all that sure he'd want to be extracted if he could be.

Veronica is safe, comforting in the way a bottle of Jack Daniels is comforting. A slow burn, entertaining intoxication, and it is very easy for Logan to get too much at once. She is poisonous and dangerous and cruel, and she is sweet oblivion. Veronica is the best and worst things about being a teenage boy, something just out of reach that Logan finds himself grabbing onto too hard and refusing to let go of. Self-restraint has never been his forte.

The cold stares as Logan steps through the doors of Neptune High bother him more than they should. He wonders when he got so sensitive.

******

Veronica enters the building half a second after Logan and, seeing him standing shell-shocked, wants nothing more than to go up and put a soothing hand on his back. But they aren't there yet.

The thing is, Veronica doesn't know how they're ever going to get there if someone doesn't do something. And she's willing to bet Logan's not going to make the first move. Not again. Not when she blew it so badly before.

She reaches towards Logan, her hand halfway to him when he steps away.

He steps away and he steps away and when he isn't stepping away, she is, and they will never be able to function together. They are physical manifestations of a cosmic miscommunication, and Veronica doesn't think that even if they do sit down and talk things out anything will be made clearer.

They need to gradually become friends again, study buddies, recipients of emergency phone calls, tears and fears and something real, something solid. But they are bigger then that. They are chemistry, explosions, fireworks and nuclear bombs. Their rules transcend the rules of the outside world.

******

Veronica is behind him. Logan knows the telltale signs of her presence though he couldn't say what they are. He tells himself the warm breeze enveloping him is from the open door and not from Veronica but he steps away anyway.

He is afraid of Veronica Mars, Logan realizes. Always has been. She has power over him. Something binds the two of them and if Logan believed in magic or God or anything at all. he would attribute the connection to that. But Logan isn't a believer and he doesn't think about connections.

He thinks about how much it sucks that he has the same locker again. Another year of getting stepped on. And this year can only be worse given the day's auspicious beginning.

"Wanna trade?" Veronica is leaning against the wall of lockers and Logan wonders where she learned that.

"What?"

Veronica indicated the locker door that opened at roughly the height of her chin. Logan sees the problem.

"Um."

"I don't bite, Logan." Veronica says snappishly. "I'm not asking for a diamond ring, I'm asking if you'll trade lockers with me."

******

She doesn't know why he has to make everything so hard. Life is hard enough, there are enough complications without him being one of them. Veronica doesn't do frustration well. She fixes things, solves things, she doesn't sit idly by. But Logan isn't giving her much choice.

"Sure."

"What?"

"Yes. I'll trade lockers with you," Logan says slowly, patiently, and stands as she kneels.

******

He likes the thought of standing above her, guarding her, protecting her. She's never let him do that. She isn't really now, just saving them from inconvenience. It's frustrating.

Everything about Veronica is frustrating. She has been frustrating Logan since she was twelve. Logan can't think of a single time Veronica Mars has been anything less than absolutely infuriating. Except when she was in his arms.

Which won't be happening again. They are a match made in hell. A combination of all their worst traits. Nothing about them being together is a good idea, except how it feels.

******

Veronica bends her knee and extends a hand and Logan pulls her up automatically.

She wonders if that is how it will happen, instinctively, without conscious thought. That's how they happened before. Though, before they were a disaster of lust and mistrust. It wasn't a bad place to be, actually. Not a good place, exactly, not the place meaningful long-lasting relationships spring from, but hell, it was fun. While it lasted and it hadn't lasted long enough.

They stand in front of each other, his hand still gripping hers.

They are close enough to kiss. Close enough for Veronica to wrap her arms around Logan's neck and never let go.

******

He drops her hand like she burned him. Like she's sent a laser through his body, up his arm, into his heart and down to his groin.

Logan has a sinking feeling that being locker-buddies with Veronica is going to inspire lots of cold gym class showers.

Veronica still hasn't backed up, and Logan suddenly feels a wave of empathy for Duncan. He gets that he and Veronica are friends now, that they are cool. But does Veronica have any idea how hard it is to be friends with someone so gorgeous and funny and hot? Especially once you know the texture of her skin, the feel of her hair slipping through your fingers, the sound she makes when you kiss the crook of her neck?

Logan bites the flesh on the inside of his lip and hopes that P.E. is first period.

******

Veronica watches unreadable expressions cross Logan's face and she just wants to touch his cheek, to caress his cares away. She feels it is her duty somehow. She put the weight of the world on him and wants to shoulder it herself. She wants to share it with him, be part of what he is thinking.

Abruptly Logan turns and strides away. Veronica can't help feeling rejected, even though, she realizes, she hadn't offered him anything. Not out loud anyway.

******

It's a long day, made even longer by glimpses of Veronica in the halls and one horribly wonderful moment where their bodies brushed while grabbing books in between classes.

Logan doesn't know how long he will be able to stand it before he pulls Veronica into a bathroom, the boys' this time, and pins her up against a wall.

Only it can never happen. Because Logan can't hurt Veronica like that. Can't treat a woman like that. Can't become his father like that, taking what he wants and giving nothing back.  
******

Veronica takes her time walking out to the parking lot after school, she's not in any hurry.

She glimpses Logan climbing into his car and instinctively looks for a place to hide, a wall to duck behind or something. She doesn't need Logan's sympathy or guilt or help. Refuses to be another princess in need of a hero. Besides, her pre-arranged white knight will roll up in about five minutes.

"Hey, honey," Keith grins as Veronica yanks opens the passenger side door and collapses into the seat, "How was your first day?"

Veronica doesn't know where to begin. It has been such an exhausting dramatic day and yet nothing at all has happened. Maybe that's why the day has been so draining.

She smiles wanly at her father. "It was fine."

******

Logan is shaking with frustration. School, Veronica, his near inability to keep it in his pants after one day is bad enough.

Coming home should be his refuge, his relief and his release. It is the house on haunted hill. Living here all summer fueled his anger, his rage, his determination to see his father fry. Now, living here fuels his exhaustion.

He doesn't sleep well anymore, in a bed his father's blood-money bought. Logan's gone through the house clearing out his parents' rubbish, but he can't throw everything away, can't incinerate the entire house and call it a bonfire. Can't avoid the place.

The really sick thing, Logan thinks, is that it's still home. There's still no place he'd rather be. Except maybe in Veronica.

******

Veronica picks at her cereal, nervous about facing school. Facing Logan. What kind of person dreads going to their locker? His locker. The locker.

She hates when she gets like this, all anxious and stupid and twitchy.

And over a locker. A boy. It's stupid. And it pisses Veronica off. Which in her book is better than being nervous.

******

Veronica stomps down the hall like she owns the place and comes to a halt beside him. For a second Logan wonders what he's done now.

She drops to her knees and that image has echoed in Logan's head all damn night. But instead of continuing the dream Veronica slams the locker door so hard metal clangs metal and Logan's teeth chatter.

"Are you trying to rip the door of its hinges?" He asks irritably, because for godsake his ears are ringing.

"Do you have a problem with that?" Veronica asks, distracted, her head practically in the locker.  
"Well, yeah. Kinda."

"Where are my walkie-talkies?" Veronica grumbles pulling her head out of her locker. She looks up at Logan. "Sorry, what?"

******

A miasma of emotions was flickering over Logan's face again, and Veronica felt bad, again.

What if he'd been making a gesture there and she'd been too preoccupied with electronics to notice?

Logan shook his head and extended a hand. Veronica grabbed it like it was a life preserver.

"Are you okay?" he asked, peering at her curiously.

"Me? Yeah. Fine."

"Okay. You just seemed, kind of, upset." His brow furrowed and Veronica wanted to jump up and down with glee.

He noticed! He cares! And, she mentally added with disgust, you are a total girl.

******

"I'm fine," Veronica said forcefully, and then politely added, "How are you?"

"Oh. Fine."

Veronica tilted her head and looked up at him.

Logan swallowed hard. She was making it so damn hard to be friends with her. With all the pouty lips and come hither eyes and the head-tilt that made every guy in a tri-county radius bend to her will.

"I… I have to go."

******

Damn.

Veronica watched Logan rush off with regret. She hadn't meant to scare him, hadn't intended to push. She just wanted to be firmly encamped on his side, wanted the wariness to be gone. Wanted to be with him.

They'd never really had that, togetherness. They'd had brief moments of not being on enemy sides, called tentative truces, but they'd never been on the same team, looking out for each other as much as for themselves. More than themselves. Veronica wanted that. Wanted it with Logan.

They could be good together if the world would let them, if they would let themselves be.

******

She corned him at lunch and Logan had to wonder if Veronica was doing it on purpose If she was punishing him for something.

"I'm sorry."

"What?"

"About this morning," Veronica explained, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Logan vaguely thought that he might like to be that hair. "I didn't mean to push. I didn't mean to upset you."

"Oh. Veronica, don't… it… it's not you." It's me. It's that I can't see you without wanting more than I can have. Logan barely catches himself in time, surprised by the things he wants to tell her.

"What is it?" Veronica sits.

He wants to tell her and she wants to know and he cannot say it. Their rules suck.

******

Whatever it is, the barrier to their happily ever after, is on his lips. Veronica can tell. And he won't spit it out. She wants to fall to her knees, beg him.

But Veronica Mars has more decorum than that.

She wants to tell him, whatever it is, he can tell her. She will be on his side, won't tell another soul.

But she isn't sure she will be, won't say. And if she can't trust herself, how can he?

******

Veronica's head is bowed. She's hurting. He hurt her. All of this to not hurt her and he's done it anyway.

"Veronica…"

She looks up. "It's okay Logan, if you can't say. Just, know that I'm around, alright?"

"Okay." His throat feels thick.

"Can I sit with you?" Veronica asks opening her brown paper bag.

Another 25 minutes of continuous Veronica-time. Logan is beginning to wish he had nothing but P.E. all day long.

******

It's frustrating sitting in silence with Logan. Silence doesn't suit him. He is boisterous, loud and vibrant in good times and bad. He has never been afraid to speak his mind before, and that scares Veronica a little.

"Have you talked to Duncan lately?" Veronica asks. If you don't get help at Charter, please, get help somewhere. Talk to someone, Logan, anyone, about what's tearing you up inside. What's tearing us apart.

"Um, not really."

"Oh."

"You?"  
"A few times at the trial."

"Oh."

******

The bell signals a merciful end to a painful lunch. Logan is distantly grateful that he and Veronica never went on a real date, if today's conversation is anything to go on.

They have nothing in common, but tragedy. Lilly and Duncan, the destruction of a star-bright family. A star-bright family and a star-filled one, but Logan isn't going to launch into self-pity right now. Or self-pity of another stripe. Veronica, Veronica, Veronica. There is nothing there but memory and chemistry.

Chemistry. Even in the worst of excruciating conversation it was there, sputtering and flickering but constant. It hurts.

Which is, at least better than being numb. Logan can't help drawing the comparison, again, between his reactions to Veronica and Duncan's. Did Duncan choose numbness over white-hot feeling? Did Veronica ever inspire this sort of emotion in Duncan? And why the hell does Logan want to know? It's not like his life doesn't suck enough, he has to go rub salt in his own wounds too?

******

Lunch was… At least it was time with Logan, Veronica reasons. Progress is being made. Disasterous conversation as opposed to polite silence. Oh yes, Veronica is definitely moving things in the right direction.

She rolls her eyes at nothing and misses Lilly.

Lilly would tell her to go out there and do something. 'Make a move Veronica Mars!' Though Lilly's move had been sleeping with her boyfriend's dad, so Veronica's less than willing to follow that train of potential behavior. Because while on the one hand it would get Logan's attention, on the other hand, ew, and also how would she get into Aaron's cell and…

Veronica wants to scream in frustration. What the hell is wrong with her? Seriously. She has half a mind to storm up to Logan, share her fun thoughts about a trip to jail, and let him figure their shit out.

******

Logan's trying to avoid Veronica. Which kind of sucks and is really only a temporary solution. What he needs, Logan winces at the very thought, is a plan. A map of how to survive her.

Because he does want to survive her. With her even. But since that doesn't seem to be a viable option given the slamming doors, awkward conversation, and near chronic erections, it's every man for himself. Sorry V, he thinks snidely.

Before promptly, and typically, oh so typically, bumping into her.

She looks just as pleased to see him as he is to see her.

Veronica glares at him, looks at the floor, starts to walk away, mumbles something about, "your father…"

Near-instantly his hand is around her upper arm, gripping her.

******

Veronica is a little shocked and turns around, angry words on her tongue. They die when she catches his eyes and realizes.

Instinct again. And again. They are standing the way they did at the Camelot. It would only take a tug from Logan, a few steps and they would be lip to lip. Together again. It is so wrong it's right. Only this time it's wrong and Veronica is disappointed.

Logan lets go of her arm and Veronica rubs it automatically.

"Are you okay?" He asks sharply. Scared. "I didn't mean to…"

"No. It's okay. Really," Veronica pulls her sleeve up to show him, not even a red mark. But Logan averts his eyes.

******

Logan cringes when he sees Veronica reach for the arm he has just been grasping. He knows better. He should never have touched her. She's tiny and delicate and he… is not. He swore he would never physically harm anyone he cared about and look how long that's lasted.

She tries to show him, no permanent damage, but any more Veronica-skin and Logan's body might give out, just to save him the agony.

"Logan!" Veronica says impatiently and he forces himself to focus on her face. Her sweet, gentle… No, no, no! Logan shakes his head violently. "It's okay! You aren't your dad! I'm fine! I know you'd never hurt me! I trust you!"

******

Veronica's just as surprised by her last words as Logan is. But, she decides, if they fly out of her mouth unconsciously, that must be how she really feels unconsciously. So good then. One obstacle down.

"What?" Logan manages through his… shock, surprise, anger, Veronica guesses at the possible emotions.

"I'm sorry. I just wanted you to know. You aren't like him. You care too much."

"I know that Veronica," Logan says, a mixture of annoyance and amusement in his voice. "I meant the other part."

"What other.." Oh. "Oh. That other part."

"Yes," Logan smiles a smile Veronica hasn't seen in a very long time. She considers doing a mental victory dance, "that other part."

******

Logan isn't entirely sure how people can accidentally blurt out important things like "I love you", "I'm pregnant!" or, "Hey, my trust issues are gone, let's be together!" It doesn't make sense, but Veronica seems just as surprised as he is.

"I… I…" He wishes she would just spit it out already, say it of her own volition so that they can move on to the forgiving and reuniting. "I have no idea where that came from."  
Damn.

Why the hell, Logan wonders, does he keep letting this girl do shit like this to him? He is Logan Echolls, women want him, cling to him, beg. But no, his heart belongs to Heartless Bitch Extrordinaire.

And that realization hits him like, well a lightning bolt, but, really more like an anvil. He's not in lust with Veronica Mars. He has actual, genuine feelings for the girl. And this is after being accused of rape and wrongly imprisoned by her.

******

Veronica doesn't know what he wants her to say. He's just standing there looking agonized. And, okay, really no part of her little speech had been what you might call helpful. So she has really no idea where to start with the fixing.

"Let's start over okay?" She falters and notices Logan's encouraging grin. "Let's just… I'll go this way," she indicated with one hand the direction she'd been heading when Logan ran into her, "and you, you go that way," she gestured with the other hand, "and we'll just…"

"Start over," Logan says flatly. "Whatever you want, Veronica."

"I'm sorry." She says again. "About the whole dad thing."

******

Logan couldn't even be pissed at her. Not really. She was just trying to protect herself from getting hurt. Just like he was, protecting both of them.

And, she trusted him. Not the jump-into-bed trust of his dreams, but trust. She might… call him sometime… if she needed him to… give her a ride someplace. Because they're friends now. Trustworthy friends. Yay.

Alright, so now that he has a friend, Logan thinks he might need himself a girlfriend. One who will actually date him. And not automatically assume he's a criminal. Should be a nice change of pace.

******

Something unsettled Veronica about her run-in with Logan for the rest of the afternoon and evening. More than the unconscious blurting of emotions better left… not blurted, something was off. It distracted her from doing a proper search of a possible polygamist definitely selling illegal iguanas on Dog Beach. It found her giving up after six Calculus problems and going to bed at 8 because she was too distracted for TV.

Laying in bed, wide awake because she couldn't possibly be sleepy this early, Veronica replayed her day, even the wince-worthy encounter with Logan. Wince-worthiest really, they'd all been fairly painful. Thinking it over, recalling Logan's encouraging smiles as she stammered… it couldn't have meant…

"Oh… Shit!"

******

Not all blonds were created equal, that was for damn sure, Logan thought laying back in relaxation. It had been too long, too damn long. Caitlin's not a natural blond, though, Logan can't be certain Veronica is either. But she used to have awfully long hair, and what are the odds she's been dyeing it since she was 12? Logan groans in frustrated satisfaction.

Caitlin's no Lilly, girl had a mouth like a hoover, and she's certainly no Veronica. Logan doesn't know what her mouth's like. Well, he knows, but not like… "Yeahh."

Hair swishes around his legs and vaguely annoys him. It's distracting. It's not Veronica. And that was not supposed to be the point.

He's dimly aware of his cell phone ringing, and Caitlin coming up to answer it.

"Logan's phone!"

"Caitlin?" Logan hear Veronica's voice loudly.

"Veronica Mars?" Caitlin's eyebrows furrow in disgust. "What are you doing calling Logan?"

"What are you doing answering?" Veronica challenges and Logan chuckles at his girl's coolness.

"Girlfriends get phone answering rights."

"Girlfriend?" Logan and Veronica ask at once.

Caitlin turns to Logan and says, loud enough for Veronica to hear, "if you think I'm doing this for nothing, you're wrong."

A dial tone sounds through the silent room.

******

Veronica looks at the phone in disgust and tells herself it's for the best. Any guy that could go from emotional involvement to Caitlin Ford in six hours is really just… well the word pathetic springs to mind. Also, a waste, but Veronica can't quite bring herself to describe Logan as a waste. She gives herself a week of watching him with Caitlin before the label sticks. Then she'll dye her hair black, get it buzzed, and become a biker lesbian who goes by Ronnie. It'll be fabulous.

If Veronica Mars were the kind of girl who cried over boys or wasted possibilities, she'd be crying now. But she isn't and instead she's pissed. About Logan, about seeing, knowing they were destined to be together. It was all a load of crap.

A fresh steaming aromatic load of crap. And Veronica seriously hopes Logan chokes on it.

******

Logan's been at school since the janitor unlocked the front doors. Actually, he's been here since dawn, in the hall leaning against his locker since the janitor took pity. He stays against his locker until the hall monitor tells him he's five minutes late for class and gives him a detention slip. Veronica hasn't shown up.

They never really had what one might call a close relationship, but Logan knows a few things about Veronica Mars. One of those things is that she will never be late or ditch class barring a life and death emergency, the other is that in Veronica's book a spat with him will never be anything remotely resembling an emergency.

Therefore, Logan concludes, feeling academic, Veronica is at school and is avoiding him. Neither of which is what he might consider shocking.

******  
Logan is a lot easier to avoid when he's looking for her. Veronica doesn't want to think about what that means and considers the whole thing proof of their unique brand of epically poor timing.

Speaking of badly timed, Caitlin Ford seems to be everywhere Veronica is this morning. If Logan would stick a little closer to his, Veronica winces, girlfriend, he'd have no trouble finding her.

Not that she wants to be found by him. She doesn't want to hear his explanation. Not that he has anything to apologize for. She rejected him, inadvertently, but doubtless Logan doesn't see it that way. He is at perfect liberty to go get himself an orally skilled girlfriend at any time. Though it would have been nice if it hadn't been during the exact moment she was calling to… well. There's that at least. Veronica has no idea what she would have said if Logan had answered his phone and it probably wouldn't have led to making out on a moonlight beach. Probably.

Caitlin. Again. Veronica doesn't even remember seeing Caitlin around after last years Chardo debacle and today the girl is permanently underfoot. Veronica thinks maybe Caitlin's doing it on purpose to torture her, but realizes quickly that the girl just isn't that smart.

******

Logan never expected to be jealous of Wallace… whastisname. Piteous maybe, but jealous? Never. Only, Wallace has Veronica alone at a quiet table talking softly to him. She even seems to be smiling a little. That's more than he's done for her lately.

Meanwhile, Caitlin's hand has inched further and further up his thigh to the point that he is now essentially being given a hand job under the table. Logan's surprised at how much he didn't miss being a sex object. Given the last few days, sex seemed like the answer to everything. Now it just seems… gross.

******

Wallace is pretty much the best guy ever. Largely because he is not Logan "The Ass" Echolls. The nickname was one of many of Wallace's ways of trying to cheer Veronica up. It isn't working all that well, because instead of making her feel better, it makes her want to look at Logan's ass.

Which is a problem on so many levels. Because she's avoiding him. Because he has a girlfriend. Because… because… the girlfriend thing should probably have been the biggest problem and not petty avoidance. Veronica's okay with being petty and evasive though.

Still, she's watching Logan and Wallace is watching her watch him and making fun. Logan scoots away from Caitlin abruptly, Veronica can tell Caitlin's surprised, and a moment later stands.

Veronica takes the opportunity to ogle her ex-sometimes-maybe boyfriend.

******

Whirling away from Caitlin in annoyance, Logan notices Veronica looking at him. It's a step in the right direction anyway, and he decides to take it as an invitation. They need to talk.

Logan just… has really no idea how he gets himself into these things. He's sober, he's of average intelligence, he's the single participant in a truly fucked up love triangle. You'd think after finding out that his father slept with his girlfriend Logan would limit himself to, uh, celibacy and stay far away from pointy shapes, but no. Logan cannot learn.

Wallace stands as Logan approaches. It is either a threat or an offer for privacy, Logan isn't sure and he bets Wallace won't be either until his mistress calls him off.

Sure enough Veronica says something quietly, hands Wallace a bill and says louder, "Diet."

******

Veronica knows she needed to send Wallace away. To give herself and Logan every opportunity to get… wherever it is they might be going. But she could really use his moral support.

"So," Logan says, "you've been avoiding me."

"Yes."

"I guess I don't need to ask why."

"I have a list."

"Are we just going to stand here and banter?"

"I'm sitting."

"Veronica! Why do you have to make everything so hard?"

"I'm the difficult one? Me? I declare my undying… something and you hook up with Caitlin Ford."

"There was nothing undying or declared about yesterday and you know it."

"It was implied."

"You were more surprised than I was!"

"Conceited much?"

"That isn't what I meant and you know it."

******

It's possible, Logan considers, that them together isn't what Veronica wants at all. That in the history of all their misunderstandings this is the worst.

"Logan, what is it?" Frustration laces Veronica's voice.

Bewildered he sits down next to her. "What do you want from me, Veronica?"

"I want…" Veronica furrows her brow and bites her lip and she looks like she is in excruciating pain. Logan is ready to walk away for good, just so she'll stop making that face.

"Veronica…"

"I want this to not be so hard," she blurts in frustration. "Why is this so hard?"

Leave it to Veronica to give more questions than answers. "What is this?" he needs to know.

******

Logan's asking the hard questions, demanding answers. Veronica feels a sudden wave of pity for everyone she's ever cornered and interrogated. It's hard to force emotions into words, even harder to protect yourself at the same time.

"I don't know," she says softly. It's a lie, or, part-lie. She knows what she wants and she knows what she's got and since they bear no resemblance to each other she's afraid of what to wish for.

"You do. Tell me what this is." Logan's voice is angry now. "What the hell are we doing?"

"What are you doing?" Veronica takes the first opportunity to turn the questioning back on him. "With the stalking and Caitlin and… what the hell, Logan?"

******

What the hell, Logan, indeed. He'd been asking himself the same question all night, all morning.

"I don't know."

"Well that's very helpful. Also, I don't believe you."

"No… I really…" Logan rolls his eyes. "Maybe if I could figure out what you're doing then I'd know what I'm doing."

"That is bullshit."

"Is not. I'm reactionary. Everyone knows this."

"Oh, so that's how you defend yourself? By being impulsive and blaming other people for your reactions?" Veronica asked disdainfully.

"What am I defending myself against Veronica? Really?"

******

For a moment, when he was pressuring her for answers, Veronica really thought they might be getting somewhere. But, clearly not.

Talking was just as damaging for them as anything else.

Maybe in a vacuum where there were no words, no history, no outside force of any kind, they could be together. But barring that… they're so fucking doomed.

"You know what?" Veronica stood. "Forget it."

"I don't want to forget it!" Logan said jumping up to join her. The stupid, hopeful part of Veronica did a little dance. Veronica was sick of her, she just kept getting them hurt. "I just want us to be okay."

"What 'us'?" Veronica scoffed.

"Okay then." Logan's shoulders drooped slightly. "I guess that answers that."

******

She was a bitch. She just kept breaking his heart. He wondered if he would ever stop loving her and guessed not.

Love. Logan didn't really believe he loved Veronica. Not yet. They were… well, complicated for one thing. They were kids and stupid and maybe someday they could grow to be in love. But not if Veronica had anything to say about it.

"Logan…" her voice had shifted from harsh to gentle so quickly it almost gave him whiplash. "I'm sorry."

"No problem. If we aren't then we aren't." Logan shrugged.

"We are."

"We are… what? Exactly?"

"How am I supposed to define us, Logan? We are… a train wreck, a beat up truck whose engine doesn't turn."

******

"We are a we?" Logan was trying to keep the smile out of his voice, and it was just so damn cute.

"We're trying," Veronica tells him honestly.

"We're really bad at trying."

"We really sort of are."

"So let's just do it, huh? If we mess up we mess up, but I can't do this halfway thing anymore. There is no middle ground with you, Mars."

"I know." Veronica bites her lip and steps closer. "I really can't either. The last few days have been…"

"Hell?" Logan suggests, the corners of his lips tugging up as he leans towards her.

"Pretty much." Veronica nods. They are so close their foreheads bump.

"You ready?" Logan asks, his hand brushing her cheek.

"Yeah," Veronica breathes as their lips brush together.


End file.
